Monthly Archives: September 2012

记忆

有时候,你忽然醒来,想起过去那些对自己重要的东西,那种觉悟。自己变了太多了。做了很多不敢想象的事情。发现自己缠绕在不好的记忆里面,需要些东西释放那种过去的错觉。否则,它每天清晨,每天半晚,每次每每提到相关的事情,你只想躲到一边静一静。

早晨的风有点凉,
静静中打响了引擎。
路上没有人,
还有几盏没熄灭的路灯,
树一排排的穿过,
铁路静静的,
灰色的天笼罩着。
在小店前停下了一会,
一口冰凉的汽水,
车窗点点的水雾,
抹上了一层模糊。
我多希望。
不,
我摇摇头,
顽固的紧,
大概午后的天晴,
会不会小小的放弃。

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A Proper View at the Issue

The island issue between Japan and China has come to a nasty end, it is not quite surprising that this would one day happen. I can see the only thing that has changed is US’s foreign policy. The Chinese are not stupid. We can see the recent dynamics of international atomsphere, and we fear for our life in foreign countries will soon reach to a rough time.

The goal of US foreign policy is to antagonize the Chinese government, unfortunately, it has two strategic failures. One the long waged strategy of ideological invasion has come to an end when Obama administration reverse the course of US foreign policy. The Clinton and Bush administration understood foreign policies. Obama however is very subtly pulling the world away from the American ideology, and with the current state of the policitcs in the US, it is only time before we see a wave of deamericanization accross the world.

Wait, I think it must have already beginned. Except for China. The second failure is that Obama administration is dividing the US. His aggressive approach has ignited stronger opposition ever seen in modern US history. But when you are trying to fix internal problems, it is only common practice to relax your foreign policies. The US chose to approach the Arabs by distancing the Isrealiis, it is too obvious and too naive. Answer this, who want to make friends with someone that disposes their friends? There is no obvious commtual benefits between US and the Arabs, there is no obvious need for such actions.

The west pacific countries’ recent acitons against China seem very spontaneous. I don’t think there is much organization in this, each country has been waiting for a weak moment for China, and as a wave, they have come. It is obvious that they are betting against the weakness in Chinese politics hoping that a combined actions of pressure will create benefit for themselves, and they will lose the bet.

Why? There are different reasons. I will talk about one, it is not about military nor economics. It is something more obvious, they don’t have the same goals, but the Chinese we have one, we have suffered from destruction and demeaning for such a long time, we cannot let that happen again.

They have been talking about this issue for a long time, don’t look at the Chinese with the western eyes. But it still comes, sometimes in a funny way. The recent media looked at several social issues in China, most of which through the eyes of economists. The question is how stable is China right now? How do we define stability, and how do we compare countries that are completely different in structure and political ideology? So let’s not talk about China for a second. Let’s talk about United States. Isn’t it obvious how much it turns into turmoil, people hold on to the idea of one country? The only issue that break away a country today is race. It is not surprising that many non-Chinese will hope for the racial division of the Chinese. Many claimed that Han Chinese’s dominance in the country has surpress the other ethics groups. My point of why Chinese should be one does not stand on historical basis or racial equality, but practicality.

It is not easy to be an independent country in a world like this today. It is easy to claim independent, but there is no such thing as an independent country. There are country leagues that punish those that misbehaves, and the prosperity of any country today depend heavily on trade. That is why it is not only impractical to form a separate nation unless a ethic group holds a very important resource that the dominant race exploits heavily. It is generally not true that local people beleive there is racial inequality. The racial division in China is not even historically a big issue. Racial conflict did exist from time to time in history but conflicts are country wise. There was seldom racial problems within a country. It has to do with the fact that the Han Chinese as we call ourselves today was several times conquered in history. The inequality comes from the fact that Han society has build up ocnnections, and ethnic people either due to geological separation or language barrier, could not form such business connections.

In fact, what is wrong about teaching the one country in schools? There is nothing wrong to absorb other races and teach nationalism in the US, but suddenly in China, it becomes wrong doing. It is ok to require school to have english teachings in the US, but suddenly, teaching Chinese in ethinic regions, becomes unreasonable.  The reason why the US is still sufferring from racial discrimination comes from the fact that the country was never over the disctimination issue from their religion. The division of Churches, and division of racial communities is something we definately want to avoid in China, that is why Christianity must not dominate the religious population in China.

As a matter of fact, as compared to a christian nation, I would rather see a communist China. Christianity with American origin is unforgiving, intolerant on many fundamental differences of views. It seem great for small communities, but it divides population, it antagonize science, and further more, it discriminates.

城市的灯,
有点炫目,晕转过了两个弯,
车开着,
开着分不清风声的嘈杂。
夜的声音。
烟雾里,
有点老旧的乐曲。
去哪里,
去哪里?
我开过了几个闪亮的店面。
绕过了城市嘈杂的中心,
路灯,
楼宇,
后背镜里面繁星般的夜景,
远远在城市的高处。
夜,
电话闪了闪,
你说太晚。
我晃荡在看不见脚的沙滩。
浪拍打着我的头发,
城市看不见的晨星。
你说太晚了,
踏着柔软的沙,
静静看着城市夜灯变幻了几转。
你说太晚了,
手慢慢的放在了我的背上,
你说太晚了,
嘴唇轻轻的倚靠,
你说太晚了,
夜里只有你和轻柔的海浪。
你说太晚了,
静静闭上了双眼,
你说太晚了,
夜的流沙,
你笑了,
太晚了,
你摇摇手指,
黑暗中放开了提起的裙脚。
或许还余有一丝的寂静。
动作慢慢,
像是风的轻柔,
看着吻着你的鼻尖。
或许还有一点理性,
静静轻轻的漫漫。
直到你任性的轻咬在了我的脖颈。
沉默,
已经太晚。

偶尔

我偶尔会坐在椅子里,

脑袋里沉默着,

我偶尔会在幻想中看着海,

猜测着那个彼岸。

 

第一次,

我感觉到了希望的沉沦。

我看见,

地平线上翻没的船,

一帆一帆,

我看见失去了颜色的天。

我看见了一摇摇再见。

 

再见,希望的明天。

再见,一滴泪点,

小小的伤感了一会。

 

偶尔,

我会翻着过去的相册,

一片一片,

记不起名字的地点。

一点一点,

想起熟悉的那些脸。

 

偶尔,

我只想一个人,

没有人的街,

没有声音,

偶尔,

我却需要那些。

 

偶尔,

我会后悔那天一句的再见,

偶尔,

你会警醒我的正确,

偶尔,

我那穷追不舍的想念,

为我一天画上了终结。

 

偶尔,

你抛来的一点点挂念,

搅乱了我梦清淡的画面。

Here we are

Well, I am a month and half from my 24th birthday. It occurred to me a lot recently where exactly my life is going. At the bottom of my emotions, I made some inappropriate phone calls asking people whether I am a good person. And later some point, I decided to live like living.

I have to admit I am not exactly the conforming type, I like to follow my own path. It is not surprising that I came accross a lot of misunderstandings, and there are always people who tend to judge confidence as arrogance. So it occurs to me that I don’t always need to tell them everything about me. It doesn’t help me neccessarily, because people usually make their judgements before I finish my stories anyways, they don’t care about intentions, they just care about the part of the sotry that have an impact on them. So I tend to tell stories about how much I suck, that makes everyone happy. They don’t neccessarily need to know how awesome I am, do they? Assuming they don’t know that already.

I am a social pessimist, I believe people need motivations to consolidate a social order. As a consequence, I don’t believe religions are absoulely absurd. Well I realize that my furture is in my own hand, if I want everything, I am gonna have to live a harder life than most, facing more obstcles and more misunderstandings.  I believe that there is a chance that most people give up their dream pretty early, but for the foolish feel and probably the lucky feel, we got to keep our dreams and carry them on.

Well back to my life, I am unique in my own freaking way, screwed up in my parents’ pretty unique dimension. I am proud of who I am, I will fail, and break, but I will find my way again, I am pretty sure about that. In the past year, I got dumped twice without knowing exactly why. But I think probably I am still going through my breakup, I am still getting over her. It’s been two years, and I don’t know how to be in a relationship anymore. More or less I am frightened, sometimes disgusted by the things I said in my first relationship.

They say, you got to meet that person that can give you hope and confidence again, I guess I haven’t meet her yet. I can afford to wait….

没劲

坐在椅子里,看着屏幕,听音乐,手敲打着键盘,也不知道目的是什么。是想让自己觉得没有再浪费时间吧。

最不用脑子,只需要凭感觉的事情,写诗吧。

无聊

闪在眼前的世界,

妳眼前接近三维的两个动作,一幕斜切,

妳说早安世界,

妳幻想着的舞步,

写了小说的几页。

阳光有些小小的讨厌,

梦有些不实的甜美,

妳说早安世界,

妳发誓今天承诺兑现,

妳推辞到了明天。

闪在眼前的光线,

妳祈祷过一次两次的心愿,

博客,

睡前又看了一遍,

该不该说的再见。

也不知道写得哪个女孩 -__- 总之不习惯身边没有女孩。。。。生活中没有跟你较真争争吵吵女孩的存在,没有那些懒惰磨人白日梦的花痴,没有那些疯狂执着的女孩,生活一点意思也没有。。。。

音乐,酒水,一点点苦

生活不必时时激情有趣,生活本来就不可能如此吧。最近我的诗风转变了很多。小唆了一口苏格兰进口的烈酒,身边放着07年”Accross The Universe”的原声音乐。

事事如果都会顺心,那还叫生活吗?所以人们迷失,人们寻找。可是答案。

那些最简单的答案可惜往往都是错的。

问。谁又会回答?

不去解答其实很容易。等待。时间自然会给你一个解释,有的时候。

最近开始用冗长的实验等待写小说,暂时题目叫做“短篇”。既是短篇,自然只是希望放到站上而已。我希望把这个站同时用作个人和学术目的。所以将来会有一些英文的帖吧。(暂时,学术上并没有什么可说的。)

做了一些市场调查,发现诗文学在中国非常没有市场。但是我还是想试试。毕竟我写了很多的诗文。等待着,我只见市场越来越充水,也不知道什么途径去。投了几稿到一个什么出版网站,也没有回音。最可恶的是,投出去了,还删不掉,继续余留在那个网站。无聊之余,我决定自己开个站。于是在wordpress买个域名。

放上一首诗,抛砖引玉。最近开始写一本小诗册。暂时40首诗左右。自从从澳洲回来,我感觉到诗对我来说有多么的重要。我也重新开始了水粉油画。

最近思考感情有些过多,毕竟没有人一年四季都多愁善感的度日。

这首诗叫“该说什么,已经说了”。本来是想讲诉情人分手。写完才发现,里面埋藏的是我为什么分手。事隔两年了,我还感怀,只因分手的那一刻,有些该说的话没有说。还欠一架没有吵。时间,把激动的情绪都抽掉了,剩下的,也不能够再叫做爱情了。

烛火暗中有些飘忽,
恍动着的黑色烟雾。
空调有些冷,
话语有些冷,
外面的月色有些冷。
蜷缩在床头的你我,
有些不自然的拥抱。
被子搭住了脚,
即便冷。
轻轻靠在了肩膀,
手,
随便放在了身旁,
电视,
却只有我一个在看。
我轻抚着佯睡着的你,
扣紧你僵硬的手指,
你甩开了我的手,
有些用力的过了头。

好吧,夜已经过了一半。音乐有些失去了它的作用,我们都不得不接受这样的现实,快乐总是太过短暂。但是这是为什么我们回去追求它不是么。只要还有那些希望,今天不会太过糟糕。