Here we are

Well, I am a month and half from my 24th birthday. It occurred to me a lot recently where exactly my life is going. At the bottom of my emotions, I made some inappropriate phone calls asking people whether I am a good person. And later some point, I decided to live like living.

I have to admit I am not exactly the conforming type, I like to follow my own path. It is not surprising that I came accross a lot of misunderstandings, and there are always people who tend to judge confidence as arrogance. So it occurs to me that I don’t always need to tell them everything about me. It doesn’t help me neccessarily, because people usually make their judgements before I finish my stories anyways, they don’t care about intentions, they just care about the part of the sotry that have an impact on them. So I tend to tell stories about how much I suck, that makes everyone happy. They don’t neccessarily need to know how awesome I am, do they? Assuming they don’t know that already.

I am a social pessimist, I believe people need motivations to consolidate a social order. As a consequence, I don’t believe religions are absoulely absurd. Well I realize that my furture is in my own hand, if I want everything, I am gonna have to live a harder life than most, facing more obstcles and more misunderstandings.  I believe that there is a chance that most people give up their dream pretty early, but for the foolish feel and probably the lucky feel, we got to keep our dreams and carry them on.

Well back to my life, I am unique in my own freaking way, screwed up in my parents’ pretty unique dimension. I am proud of who I am, I will fail, and break, but I will find my way again, I am pretty sure about that. In the past year, I got dumped twice without knowing exactly why. But I think probably I am still going through my breakup, I am still getting over her. It’s been two years, and I don’t know how to be in a relationship anymore. More or less I am frightened, sometimes disgusted by the things I said in my first relationship.

They say, you got to meet that person that can give you hope and confidence again, I guess I haven’t meet her yet. I can afford to wait….

About zlong4


Posted on 2012/09/16, in LIFE. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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